she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
