my mouth tastes like poor choices
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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