Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
