We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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