All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
