Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
