I want to make a zoo with you.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize