Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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