You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
