Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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