I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
