so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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