I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
