sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
