Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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