how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
