tequila makes me forget i have legs
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize