so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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