Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
