Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
