Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
