I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize