Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
