I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
