The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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