She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
