i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
