I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
