i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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