My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
