If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
