True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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