one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
