Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
