so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
