but the lizard people decide everything anyway
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
