We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
