Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize