I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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