Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
