i barfeds in our rink
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
