I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
