so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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