Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
operation harelip BJ is a go
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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