An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
