I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do vagina's smell?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
