Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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