shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
