Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
