I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
