There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
