He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
