In the future we'll all be gay
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
