omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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