I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
