Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We need to rekindle our bromance
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
