ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
