I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
