naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Help. Why am I so naked?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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