Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i've created a new STD.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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