i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
