God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
