if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
