I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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