I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
