how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
