Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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