The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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