she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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