Jerry, you need to find god
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
