her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
