I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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